02/01/2012 15:43:40
james_d_84
Posts: 1
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Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, new to these forums, apologies for any errors. Will be as concise as possible.
Many years ago my gran and her sister purchased a plot of land in a cemetary in Scotland for both of them and their brother to be burried. My gran's brother was burried there first a decade or two ago. My gran passed away at the end of 2010 and was burried on top of her brother. The third space was intended to be for my gran's sister when she passed away.
When my gran died in 2010, her sister decided she wanted to be burried elsewhere, with her husband, and no longer with her siblings. She then sold the plot to my uncle (my gran's son who is the eldest of her ten children).
This has caused countless problems for the family. The man she sold it to (my uncle) is a retired senior policeman, one who has controlled and used power over people his whole life. He's only ever been a job title and people inside and outside of the family have feared him for decades.
Yet again he is using his new control and power (having ownership of the burial site) to dictate.
Now my gran was not only my gran, but my parent, she brought me up with my mum and I think of her as a parent not just a gran. Whilst there are probably around 20 or more other grandchildren, I am the only one she brought up and the one who she was closest to.
Since her passing, very few of my gran's children visit (apart from my own mum who goes twice a week every week, and another uncle who visits at the same time. They both maintain the grave, keep it clean, tidy, fresh flowers etc as none of their other siblings visit on a regular basis/ or at all in some cases. The uncle who owns the grave lives in Spain so he just controls and dictates from a distance.)
As my gran was extremely close to my brother, sister and me, the three of us decided to purchase a very small ornament to be placed beside the headstone, at the back of the headstone in a non-intrusive place. The ornament is a small (7 inches wide by 4 inches tall) black bible which we had inscribed to say thankyou for everything).
Within a few weeks of this being placed down in 2010 the controlling shi@the!d of an uncle sent a letter to my mum (even though the ornament is clearly got my name, my brothers and sisters name on it, not my mum) stating she had a few weeks to remove it or he had instructed the council to remove and destroy the ornament. My siblings and I agreed that we couldn't bring ourselves to take it off the grave, if someone else did it then that was up to them but we weren't comfortable in taking it away so we left it. Of course it was removed and we assumed it had been destroyed. I live in London and have received no letter or anything about it being removed, I only know through my mum calling me to tell me she got a letter addressed to her.
About a month ago the ornament turned up in my grandad's cupboard. Whoever took the ornament (and broke it but tried to 'glue' it back together!) had kept it for all this time and placed it in my grandad's cupboard knowing my mum goes there a few times a week to look after my grandad. I discussed with my siblings what we wanted to do with the ornament, and we believed as we bought it as a thankyou present for our gran that it would be returned to the grave where we felt it belonged and if it was removed again then so be it. We also assumed that whoever removed it and had it repaired and returned felt guilty and was returning it as a peace offering. So on Christmas day just gone I went to my gran's grave with my brother and sister and returned the ornament again behind the grave stone out of the way of the other ornaments and flowers other relatives had placed and which had been allowed to stay.
An email has been sent to my mum this morning from my controlling uncle demanding that it be removed again, or will be destroyed. Again this ornament isn't from my mum, but she's the one getting his hurtful (and full of personal attack) emails. My mum is upset and worried. Anyone who experiences my uncle assumes that his word is gospel because of the job title he once held before retiring. I'm not sure if what he's saying in the email is legally true or not or if he's just doing it because he believes everyone should listen to what he says.
Now what I really need to know is - does he absolutely have the right to decide what can/cannot be placed next to the headstone?
How can I handle this? We're not trying to gain control of the land, or any legal contract etc etc, all we want is for our small gift to our gran to be kept beside her grave.
Any advice greatly appreciated!
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